Nos dijeron que éramos débiles (relato) / They told us that we were weak

Nos dijeron que éramos débiles. Nos lo decían mientras nos llenaban de cadenas. Y así lo parecía. Los demás encontraban el modo de seguir adelante. Nosotros no. Intentábamos movernos debajo de las cadenas y sólo conseguíamos herirnos y lacerarnos la piel. Las heridas llegaron a ser tan profundas que dejamos de movernos para no hacernos daño, para no sufrir más. Nos dijeron que éramos débiles. Que no valíamos. Los demás sí, nosotros no. Debíamos asumirlo. Los demás sí, nosotros no.
 
Al cabo del tiempo, algo se despertó en nuestro interior. Algo que habíamos olvidado que teníamos. Algo que había estado agazapado, esperando el momento propicio para surgir de nuevo. A tientas, despacio, comenzamos a movernos de nuevo. No fue fácil. La depresión, el miedo y la ansiedad se habían convertido en nuestros compañeros de viaje, haciendo casi imposible avanzar. Aterrorizados, llorando de miedo, a ciegas, sin saber a dónde íbamos, comenzamos a avanzar, tirando de las cadenas.

Y poco a poco comenzamos a romperlas. Una a una. Tirando fuerte. Hiriéndonos, sangrando, asustados, rompíamos una tras otra. Ellos intentaban impedírnoslo. A cada golpe que nos daban caíamos al suelo, aturdidos, intentado comprender por qué nos hacían daño quienes debían querernos más, por qué nos odiaban quienes debían amarnos, por qué nos herían quienes debían cuidar de nosotros.

Permanecíamos en el suelo un tiempo. Pasado un tiempo nos rehacíamos y reemprendíamos la marcha. Pasos lentos y vacilantes, que fueron haciéndose más firmes y decididos, mientras seguíamos nuestra voz interior. A cada paso, caían más cadenas. La mayoría nos las habían puesto los demás, pero muchas las habíamos reforzado nosotros a partir de aquellas. 
Rompimos una, y otra, y otra. Ellos chillaban, histéricos, incapaces de comprender y de dar crédito a lo que sucedía. Sois débiles, gritaban. No valéis, chillaban desesperados. Los demás sí, vosotros no, se desgañitaban.

Pero sus palabras ya no tenían poder sobre nosotros. Cada cadena que caía hacía que viéramos con claridad que no tenían razón, que nunca la habían tenido. Nos habían llenado de cadenas porque éramos la luz en su mundo de oscuridad, y no podían permitirlo. Necesitaban seguir en su oscuridad, necesitaban hacernos partícipes de ella, que creyéramos que sólo existía la oscuridad. Pero nosotros, los débiles, los que no valíamos, sabíamos que había algo más. Lo sabíamos en nuestro fuero interno.

Cuando habíamos roto muchas cadenas, llegamos al muro que nos rodeaba, el muro que impedía entrar la luz, el muro que significaba la frontera entre dos mundos. Era un muro grueso, alto y fiero, que parecía inexpugnable. Pero nosotros sabíamos cómo romperlo.

No fue fácil. A cada golpe de mazo apenas saltaban unas astillas. Pero seguíamos golpeando, con esa desesperación que el miedo y la rabia te dan. Porque estábamos rabiosos, porque nos habían engañado. Sois débiles, decían. No valéis, decían. Los demás sí, vosotros no, gritaban. Y todo era mentira.


Estábamos llenos de rabia. Rabiábamos porque quien debía amarnos casi nos había destrozado. Porque no nos habían permitido ser. Porque nos habían mantenido a la fuerza en un mundo de oscuridad para protegerse ellos mismos de la luz. Rabiábamos porque lo considerábamos injusto. Y esa rabia y esa ira hacían que nuestros golpes fueran cada vez más fuertes. Cuanto más fuerte golpeábamos, más fuerte gritaban ellos. Pero ya no tenían poder sobre nosotros. Ahora eran ellos los que, aterrados, contemplaban como, por fin, abríamos un hueco en el muro.

Poco a poco lo fuimos haciendo más grande. El miedo seguía acompañándonos, pero ya no tenía tanto poder sobre nosotros. Habíamos aprendido a confiar en la vida, a esperar. Habíamos aprendido que, en el momento justo, cuando estuviéramos preparados, todo nos llegaría.

Saltamos el muro, disfrutando, por primera vez en nuestra vida, del calor del sol en la cara. Abrimos los brazos y reímos como niños, sintiéndonos libres. Por primera vez, no teníamos miedo. Por primera vez, nadie nos gritaba.

Volvimos la vista hacia el muro. Ellos estaban al otro lado, asustados, incapaces de cruzarlo. Nosotros sí habíamos conseguido atravesarlo, pero ellos no. Nosotros habíamos tenido el valor de hacerlo, ellos no. Nosotros habíamos sido fuertes y tenaces, y ellos no. La mera visión de la luz los aterraba. La idea de salir de su mundo era inconcebible para ellos.

Pero, a diferencia de ellos, no nos sentíamos superiores. Durante todos los años de lucha habíamos aprendido que cada uno llega hasta donde puede, lucha hasta donde puede y decide dónde detenerse. Ellos habían preferido construir su vida en la oscuridad del muro y ese muro que los limitaba y les quitaba la luz les daba seguridad. Pero ese muro que les daba seguridad, a nosotros nos asfixiaba.

Comenzamos a andar. Sabíamos que no habíamos roto todas las cadenas, que nuestro trabajo de ser libres aún no estaba concluido y que probablemente no lo estuviera nunca. El miedo tampoco había desaparecido, pero ya no nos detenía. Silencioso, caminaba a nuestro lado, esperando cualquier ocasión para asustarnos y a veces lo conseguía, pero por poco tiempo.

Miramos el camino que se extendía ante nosotros. Era largo y en algunos momentos tortuoso. Pero era el nuestro. Por fin nosotros, los débiles, los que no valíamos, los demás sí vosotros no, habíamos encontrado nuestro camino. Y era hora de seguirlo

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They told us that we were weak. They said it as they were chaining us. And so it seemed. Others, covered with the same strings, were able to find the way to move forward. But we didn’t. We tried to move under our chains and all we got were skin wounds and lacerations. The wounds became so deep that there came a time when we did not move to avoid hurting ourselves, to stop suffering. And they told us we were weak. We were told we weren’t worthy. Others were, not us. We had to take it. Other were able to fight, not us.

After a time, something woke within us. Something we had forgotten that we had inside. Something that had been lurking, waiting for the right moment to arise again. Groping, driven by that, we started moving again. It was not easy. Depression, fear and anxiety had become our companions, making it nearly impossible for us to move. Terrified, crying with fear, blindly, not knowing where we were going, we began to move forward, pulling the strings.

And we started to break them slowly. One by one. Slowly, pulling hard. Wounding ourselves, bleeding and scared, we broke one after another. They did not want that we broke up the chains, so they tried to stop us. With each blow that they gave us we fell to the ground, stunned, trying to understand why were we hurt by who should love us more, why were we hated by those who should love us, why were we wounded by those who should take care of us.

We stayed on the floor for a while and then, little by little, we regain ourselves and retook the pace. Slow and faltering steps without a clear objective that became gradually firmer and more determined, as we followed our inner voice. At every step we took, some chains fell down. We have received most of those chains from others, but there were many other that had been built by ourselves after those ones. And we were breaking one, another, another and another. They screamed hysterically, unable to understand and believe what was happening. You are weak, they screamed. You are not worth they cried, desperate. Others are worth, not you were they shouting their heads off.
But their words had no longer power over us. With each chain that fell we saw clearly that they were wrong, that they had never been right. They have filled us with chains because we were the light in their world of darkness, and they could not allow it. They needed to remain in their darkness, they needed us to be partakers of it, so they had us believed that there was only darkness. But we, the weak ones, those who were not worth, we knew that there was something else. We knew it deep down in our hearts.

When we had broken a lot of chains, we reached the wall that surrounded us, the wall that prevent the light from entering, that represented the border between two worlds. It was a thick, tall and fierce barrier that seemed unassailable. But we knew how to break it.
It was not easy. With each stroke of deck only several splinters jumped. But we kept hitting with the despair that fear and anger give. We were furious, because we had been deceived. You are weak, they had always said. You are unworthy, they had repeated. Other are worth, not you, they had shouted. And everything was a lie.

We were full of rage. We were raving because who should have loved us, almost destroyed us. Because they didn’t allowed us to be ourselves. We had been forced to stay in a world of darkness to protect them from light. We were raving because we considered it unfair. And that rage and anger made our blows stronger. The stronger we beat, the louder they shouted. But they had no longer power over us. Now it was they who, terrified, were looking at how, finally, we managed to open a hole in the wall.

Slowly we made it bigger. Fear accompanied us, but we weren’t as afraid as before. We learnt to trust life, to wait. We acquired that, at the right time, when we would be ready, we would be able to reach all.
We jumped over the wall, enjoying for the first time the heat of sun on our face. We opened our arms and laughed like children, feeling free. For the first time, we were not afraid. For the first time, no one was yelling at us.
We looked back at the wall. They were across it, frightened, unable to cross it. We managed to go through it, but they didn’t. We had the courage to do it, they didn’t. We had been strong and tough, they hadn’t. The mere sight of light dreaded them. The idea of leaving their world was inconceivable to them.
But unlike them, we didn’t feel superior. During all those years of struggle we had learnt that each of us reaches and struggles as far as is capable and decides where to stop. They had chosen to build their lives in the darkness of the wall. And that wall that confined and got light away from them, gave them security. But the wall that gave them security, suffocated us.

We started walking. We knew we hadn’t broken all the chains, that our effort to be free was still not over and that probably never was. Fear had not disappeared either, but now it didn’t stop us. Quiet, it walked beside us, waiting to scare us in any occasion and sometimes it succeeded, but not for long.


We look at the path that lay before us. It was long and tortuous in some moments. But it was ours. Finally we, the weak, those who were not worth,  have found our way. And it was time to follow it. 

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